An Open (Love) Letter to the Vampires from 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'

Dear Vampires,

First of all, I apologise for not knowing your real names. It is, in my opinion, a capital crime that you were not given greater screentime in The Nightmare Before Christmas, time which might have allowed me to learn more about you beyond the basics of your vampiric identity - including your actual names. The Nightmare Before Christmas wiki informs me that you are referred to as Prince, Baron, Lord, and Count, but for simplicity's sake I will refer to you in the second person for the rest of this letter.

Let me say that I am a huge fan of your work. Even though you only made a few brief appearances in the film, I can safely say that you made an impression which lasted far longer than the movie's 1 hour and 16 minutes runtime. I would consider the four of you to be my favourite characters in the film, ranking you above the charming Jack Skellington and even that other iconic group, Lock, Shock, and Barrel. 

You first attracted my attention during "This is Halloween", the opening number of the movie, where the four of you make your initial dramatic appearance. From the moment you popped out of your coffins (and appeared dangling down from the ceiling), I knew it was love. 

In a sequence filled with memorable introductions, you caught my eye and then my ear - your haunting, softly wailing voices are the best part of the song. Your voices in general fascinate me: they possess an incredibly amusing quality which I can't quite put my finger on. Even when speaking, like when two of you appear to tell the mayor how your search for Jack is going, your voices retain this melodious hilarity.

That's not to say your voices are the only thing I love about you, of course. I also adore your style, so classic yet spooky - a timelessly gothic look. Your black robes with red accents on the collars are minimalist yet striking, a combination I wish I could manage to combine with such effectiveness. Your decision to sport umbrellas during the daytime - a choice made out of necessity, I'm sure - is also executed with impeccable style. I admire how perfectly your umbrellas match your robes and how they add to the elegance of your outfits. Your enviable aesthetic taste even goes beyond fashion. "Snakes and mice get wrapped up so nice / With spider legs and pretty bows" - need I say more?

Adding to the whole stylish effect is naturally the fact that you all dress exactly the same, in spite of your diverse body types. This is an admirable commitment on a fashion level, but I also wonder if this choice is indicative of a strong group identity. You all seem very close, never seen individually and even sleeping in the same room. You sing in time, coordinate group dance routines... all signs of a sort of inspiring camaraderie. The aforementioned wiki tells me that you are brothers; is this true? If so, then your closeness as a family is beautiful. If not, then I nevertheless admire the non-biological family which you share, because surely no other term could be used to describe such a close relationship as the four of you possess. 

While I say all of this, I do so knowing that there is so much more I wish I knew about you. What are your real names? Are you really brothers? Were you born vampires, or were you all turned later in life? These are questions I realise I may never find the answers to, but this lack of knowledge does not diminish the love I have for your characters. 

Let me finish by saying this: every so often, the sound of your voices singing "This is Halloween" comes unbidden into my head, making me smile in spite of whatever else is going on at the time. I hope you understand this as the compliment I intend it to be.

Yours faithfully,

Mary (your biggest fan)

5 Halloween Movies for People Who Don't Like Horror

Although today I would consider myself a fan of horror movies, I wasn't always so keen on them. My siblings and I weren't allowed to watch horror films as children, but even after becoming old enough to watch what I wanted, they still freaked me out. I used to get incredibly anxious when watching films that I thought would show violent scenes, and sometimes even reading about a gory or disturbing film was enough to make me feel physically unwell. 

I eventually managed to overcome this fear of violent movies through what basically amounted to self-imposed exposure therapy (an experience I might write a blog post about later, if anyone is interested), but I am still very sympathetic to those who prefer to avoid films involving violence or horror. Having such an aversion also shouldn't mean that you can't partake in Halloween, a holiday that I believe can be appreciated with or without traditional scary movies.

In order to provide some non-horror alternatives for Halloween lovers this year, I have compiled a list of 5 movies that offer spooks without the scares, so to speak.

Addams Family Values (1993)

The sequel to the earlier but less well-received 1991 film The Addams Family, Addams Family Values features the iconic family dealing with a new baby and a gold-digging nanny. It's funny and sweetly macabre, as the Addams family are, and as it is family friendly you can rest assured it has little to no scares or violence. Even without those aspects, the gothic aesthetic and black humour of the Addams clan is enough to make this a Halloween classic.

What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Written and directed by New Zealanders Taika Waititi and Jermaine Clement, who you might know from their involvement in Thor: Ragnarok and Flight of the Conchords respectively, What We Do in the Shadows is a mockumentary focused on the lives of a group of vampires living together in the city of Wellington. While I would warn any potential viewers that this film does contain some blood and a bit of violence (vampires need to find their prey somehow, after all), all of this is played for laughs and is not intended to be serious or disturbing. If you can see through the blood, you'll find a film that is fun, witty and doesn't take itself too seriously.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Henry Selick's beloved stop motion musical follows Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town, as he attempts to steal Christmas from Santa Claus. But is it a Christmas film, or is it a Halloween film? The Nightmare Before Christmas's holiday-appropriateness has been debated so much, it might even rival Die Hard for the title of "Most Contested Christmas Movie". Personally, as I like this film a lot, I think it works well for both seasons - although possibly a little more for Halloween, simply because its aesthetic is so wonderfully spooky. Another family friendly option, this is a good choice if you love creepy Halloween vibes but can't stand any level of violence.

Young Frankenstein (1974)

Recently, TikTok has been abuzz with people fawning over Johnny Depp's portrayal of Willy Wonka in the 2005 film adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but personally I've always been more of a fan of Gene Wilder's interpretation. Besides Willy Wonka, I'd argue that Wilder's second best role was as a young Victor Frankenstein in Mel Brooks' 1974 movie Young Frankenstein. This is a live-action, black-and-white comedy, a satire of classic horror movies in general and the many adaptations of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein in particular. If you want to avoid scary films but also want to watch something targeted at adults rather than children, Young Frankenstein is an excellent choice.

Beetlejuice (1988)

It wouldn't be a list of Halloween films if we didn't include at least one Tim Burton movie, would it? (And no, I'm not counting The Nightmare Before Christmas.) The one I have chosen for this post is Beetlejuice, although really most Tim Burton films meet the criteria - The Corpse Bride specifically was a close runner up. Like Young Frankenstein, this is another non-violent Halloween film that isn't made for children. Its plot revolves around a ghost family who are disturbed by the arrival of some new humans into their home, so they decide to recruit an eccentric and borderline-demonic entity known as Betelgeuse to drive the invaders away. It's creepy, funny, and frequently downright bizarre. Plus, it features a young Winona Ryder as the human family's goth daughter Lydia Deetz.

***

I hope that this list has offered some ideas for non-horror Halloween viewing. Halloween was my favourite holiday even before I stopped being scared of violent films, so it's certainly something you can celebrate and have themed movie nights around without having to watch movies that make you uncomfortable. 

I would love to hear any other suggestions for alternative Halloween movies, if anyone would like to share them with me either directly or in the comments of this post. Happy watching!

Film Review: Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018)

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently on a binge of Halloween-related media to celebrate our now being in the spookiest month of the year, AKA October. After Netflix very helpfully notified me that Slaughterhouse Rulez had arrived on the streaming platform about a week or so ago, I decided that this was the perfect film to kick off this fear-stive (get it?) season. 

First released in cinemas around October of 2018 (for Halloween, of course), Slaughterhouse Rulez is a comedy-horror set at a prestigious English boarding school that comes under attack after mysterious demonic creatures are accidentally released from the ground by a fracking operation on school grounds. 

I remember watching the trailer for this movie when it first came out and being quite excited about it. It didn't look especially ground-breaking, unless you count the fracking, but it looked fun nonetheless. Unfortunately, as so often happens, the trailer proved to be a lot more fun than the film itself. 

My biggest gripe with the film is that it never quite seems to know what it's doing, going in several directions (comedy, horror, and even social commentary) at once, but never quite managing to succeed in any of them. The funniest moments in the film come from the performances of Michael Sheen and Asa Butterfield, who play the school's headmaster (known as "The Bat") and the protagonist's snarky roommate, respectively. Sheen is delightfully hammy, and the enjoyment he seems to be taking in playing the comically pretentious schoolmaster is contagious. Butterfield likewise is a pleasure to watch, bringing a level of dry cynicism and vulnerability to the character of Willoughby that almost makes up for his clumsily-handled backstory. 

The rest of the cast no doubt did their best with the scripts they were given, but in most cases the result is just... okay. Simon Pegg is under-utilised in his role as a housemaster who spends most of his time making emotional Skype calls to his evidently uninterested former lover (Margot Robbie), in a subplot that was perhaps intended to be humorous but gets boring around the third scene of Pegg crying and holding a phone. The two other main characters, middle-class new boy Don (Finn Cole) and upper-sixth "goddess" Clemsie (Hermione Corfield), are dull and forgettable. Don is cast as the status quo-challenging newcomer, who holds little charm outside of being the audience's surrogate, while Clemsie serves mainly as a love interest to Don and as fan service for the viewer (really, there didn't need to be that many shots of Corfield in a bra). Clemsie has a few token Strong Female Character scenes, such as her standing up to the headmaster and taking control of the car during a chase scene, but the film still ends with us having little conception of her character outside of being appealing to Don.

Like the main characters, the horror aspect of the film is similarly unmemorable. Balancing laughs and scares is an achievement most horror-comedies fail to reach, Slaughterhouse Rulez among them. The monsters unearthed by the fracking operation are your fairly average hellhound type of creatures, forgettable enough that even at this point I am struggling to recall what they looked like. There is some gore and a few jump scares, nothing terribly impressive but the sort of thing which might have been satisfactory had the comedy side of the film held up. Sadly, this wasn't the case.

As for the social commentary aspect of the film, the writers seemed to take the opportunity of a plot set at your classical, posh English boarding school to make some criticisms of British classism and public school culture. At times this went so far as to imply that the monsters themselves are in some way symbolic of the toxicity of the school itself. It's an intriguing idea, to be fair, and it's a shame that most of the film's allusions to the school's harmfulness comes across as so shallow. The more villainous of the school's students refer to others as "plebs" or use homophobic slurs that go unchallenged even by the heroic characters, but there is something of a disconnect between these moments and the times when pupils like Clemsie state that they hate the school for vague, undefined reasons. Granted, treating topics like bullying and classism with the seriousness they deserve might be too great of a challenge for a simple horror-comedy, but that didn't stop the writers from including a subplot in which an old pupil kills himself after being subjected to homophobic bullying, leaving his surviving boyfriend depressed and on the brink of suicide himself. On the other hand, scenes of a young pupil being bullied as part of various hazing rituals (such as being tarred and feathered or gagged and tied to a sink) are played for laughs. Bullying is the tragic cause of suicide in one scene and a source of humour in the other. Like the rest of the film, Slaughterhouse Rulez's handling of bullying is uneven and confusing to watch. 

While it is not among the best of horror comedy films, nor is Slaughterhouse Rulez among the worst of its kind. The humorous performances of Michael Sheen and Asa Butterfield provide some spots of light in a film that is otherwise mostly dull and thematically confusing - hardly good qualities for a film of any genre, much less one that depends on frights and laughs. If you are a particular fan of any of the creators involved, you might find it a justifiable watch. For everyone else, I'm sad to say that it is simply, tragically average.

5 French Films to Celebrate Bastille Day

Happy Bastille Day! Or bonne fête nationale - I haven't quite figured out which is the traditional celebratory phrase yet.

Regardless of the exact words we use to express our recognition of it, today remains an important occasion here in in France. The 14th July marks the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille back in 1789, when French revolutionaries overwhelmed the Parisian fortress, which had historically been used as a state prison. Although the Bastille somewhat infamously housed only a handful of prisoners at the time of its takeover, it still held great symbolic importance. From a historical perspective, the storming of the Bastille is widely recognised as a huge turning point for the French revolution.

Fittingly, today the 14th July is a bank holiday and the official national day of France, celebrated with military parades, aerobatic flyovers, and fireworks. However, if you're not able to celebrate Bastille Day with such fanfare (or perhaps, like me, you'd rather stay home to avoid the crowds), there are other ways mark the occasion. One such way to celebrate is by enjoying the plethora of art and media which French creators have brought into the world, including.... films!

So, to help you and I celebrate Bastille Day from the comfort of our own homes, I have compiled a list of 5 movies from a variety of periods, directors, and genres, but all with one thing in common: they are all 100% French.

1. Amélie (2001)
(Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain)

What's it about? Directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet and starring Audrey Tautou, Amélie follows a charmingly unconventional but lonely Parisian woman who tries to secretly better the lives of the people around her.

Why should you watch it? Amélie is possibly one of the most well-known, critically-acclaimed, and iconic French films outside of France, and for good reason. It plays out like a modern fairy tale, with Paris as its whimsical backdrop. Audrey Tautou gives an understated yet endearing performance as the titular character, while the heartfelt story is underscored with a beautiful soundtrack by composer Yann Tiersen.

Where can you find it? It is available to rent on Amazon or Google Play.

2. Bande à part (1964)

What's it about? In this classic French New Wave film directed by Jean-Luc Godard, three young people plan to stage a robbery - but things don't quite go to plan.

Why should you watch it? If nothing else, Bande à part is worth watching purely for the famous "Madison" dance, which has inspired dozens of copycat scenes in later films. It also features Anna Karina in one of her famous '60s roles, and she is as magnetic a presence onscreen here as ever. Even when they are making morally dubious decisions or stretching the limits of conventional behaviour (like running through the Louvre to beat a world record), there's something hypnotic about watching Karina and her costars go about their ill-conceived mission.

Where can you find it? It is available to stream on BFI Player or Amazon Prime with a subscription (or a free trial).

3. Diplomacy (2014)
(Diplomatie) 

What's it about? Set during the Nazi occupation of Paris during World War II, this historical drama focuses on the relationship between two officials on opposing sides of the conflict who must reach a diplomatic agreement to protect both the city and themselves from German forces.

Why should you watch it? Being based on a play by French writer Cyril Gely, Diplomacy takes a global conflict and puts it on a personal scale, with the bulk of the drama confined within the office where the two main characters have their high-stakes debate. It could have been a recipe for boredom, but the performances of André Dussollier and Niels Arestrup combine with a smart and touching script to make this movie a fascinating watch.

Where can you find it? It is available to rent on Google Play, although potentially without English subtitles.

4. Nocturama (2016)

What's it about? In this unsettling thriller, a group of young people stage a series of terrorist attacks in various locations around Paris, before hiding out in an empty department store overnight.

Why should you watch it? If the previous films on this list sounded a bit too optimistic for you, Nocturama could be the darker, more cynical antidote you're looking for. It makes for a tense but intriguing watch, and it provides a slightly less rose-tinted look at Paris than you might be used to seeing. The scenes at the start of the film, when numerous characters travel around the city on the metro, are among the most realistic depictions of Paris I've seen on screen.

Where can you find it? It is available to stream on Netflix.

5. I Am Not An Easy Man (2018)
(Je ne suis pas un homme facile)

What's it about? Based on the short film Majorité Opprimée (by the same director,  Éléonore Pourriat), this romantic comedy follows a male chauvinist who hits his head and wakes up in an alternate reality where gender roles are reversed.

Why should you watch it? Like Nocturama, I Am Not an Easy Man shines a light on one of the more negative but less talked about aspects of modern French society: sexism. While one might expect a serious tone from a film which tackles issues ranging from beauty double standards to workplace sexual harassment, this movie manages to maintain a sense of levity throughout. Whether you are looking for a romantic comedy or a wry takedown of French patriarchy, this might be the film for you.

Where can you find it? It is available to stream on Netflix.

***

If you are reading this on Bastille Day, how are you marking the occasion? Do you think watching one of the films above is a good way to celebrate, or do you have a better recommendation? I'd love to know what you think, so please feel free to let me know your thoughts either in a comment or by messaging me directly. Until then, bonne fête nationale!